-2-
are they metal

Was this what I wanted to see? Was this who I wanted to be? I longed for it so severely, that I could hardly indulge myself not to watch. It gave me such a thrill to finally feel this part of myself, these hidden feelings of something I mostly thought of as unwholesome. I wanted to be down there, I wanted to know how it'd feel. After this, nothing would hold me back, I thought. It unleashed an incredible sense of power in me. I was almost frightened by this newly found sensation. How I could utter my hatred? ...in such a way would be the answer, so it seemed. Suddenly I gained my realisation of being only upstairs in this room watching the spectacle in awe. I looked around me, but no one had noticed my severe staring and almost disappearance out of reality. Would I have to give in to some more of these heavenly delights, or would I have to try and hold back in this. I was holding back for way too long, yet I decided it would be better for me to leave. Before the last scavenger was found I had left the spectators'-room and was walking in a haze of what I've seen alongside the bright buildings. My head was filled with every thought I had oppressed for the past months. How could this have changed me within a few minutes, I thought. What is to this mere slaughter that draws me? I lay my head still on the black pillow and tried not to close my eyes. I kept staring at the whitened ceiling for at least half an hour before the sleep got to me and I closed my eyes rather unintentionally. The images of which I dreamed that night were turning me on more than any girl ever had. It all got into some weird perspective and turned its back towards me. I woke up feeling colder and lonelier than ever before. The big bed was stripped from all covers and seemed harsh in an unreality that I could not seem to get out of. My stomach turned, I closed my eyes and put my hands over my ears so I wouldn't hear this constant drone.